


Saying Goodbye

by alexandrine



Series: Two Parts, One Soul [1]
Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 11:24:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10852992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandrine/pseuds/alexandrine
Summary: Not everyone gets a lifetime together.





	Saying Goodbye

_ I’m greedy. I want to be ninety when I say goodbye. _

Jake’s head thumped against the wall, eyes clamped shut. He didn’t even get fifty years with Cougar. Barely twenty. If you counted from the bond sealing. A couple more years before that. Thirty if you counted from that muggy day in August when he first heard Cougar in his mind.

The nurse left the room, giving him a sympathetic look. They all knew. Knew he was being left behind. He rose from the chair, feeling older than his forty-seven years. His hair was silvering, smile lines still obvious on his face despite the sorrow clouding his still bright blue eyes. He rubbed his hands on his khaki pants, frowning at them. First and last meeting. At least he didn’t have coffee stains and dust this time.

He pushed his way into the room, sucking in a shuddering breath at the sight of Cougar in the bed. Not this way.  Not even fifty-five. And he wasn’t going to see that birthday.

Jake half-smiled as he slipped into the chair, reaching for Cougar’s hand, and resting his face against it. So light.  Cancer was eating him.  Six months ago those words didn’t seem so bad. People fought off cancer all the time. Even people you wished would kick it. But even Cougar couldn’t fight this.

“Father Halloran is on his way. He insisted, even though he’s supposed to be retired.” Jake swallowed the lump in his throat. He hadn’t converted, but it didn’t matter. Not now. “Sammy’s almost here. She says traffic is well, I told her not to use that word, but she says fuck traffic.”

Cougar huffed a quiet laugh, his head turning to Jake. “She takes after you. Dirty mouth and everything.”

“Yes, well. We did raise her, only logical she’ll take after us.” Sammy was an artist like Cougar. Made mixed media pieces, sculptures, all twisting bits of metal and wood, sleek in parts, rough in others.

“She looks more like you.” Cougar pauses to cough, then continues. “Not going to make it to ninety,  _ querido _ . Sorry.”

“Well. No. But. We did have good years together. So don’t be sorry.” Jake stifles a sob. He didn’t want Cougar’s last sight of him crying. “Just wait for me, will you? We’re going to the same place. Leta’s already there. Probably wondering why we’re late for her walkies.”

“You are, maybe. Me? Mm. Not sure. Love you,  _ querido _ . My sun.” It was a breath of a laugh, Cougar’s mouth curving up at the corners. Even as ill as he was, Jake had to gulp at how beautiful Cougar was, all angles and planes, his eyes only clouded by pain. Jake’s other hand came up to play with  Cougar’s curls, silver shooting through the dark strands. At least he was going with his hair. A  _ stupid _ thing to be happy for, but it was something to keep him from just dropping his head to the bed and sobbing. After. So Cougar didn’t see. He had to be his sunny self. Not the crying self he wanted to be. He leaned in, dropping a sweet kiss on Cougar's mouth, before pressing their foreheads together, breathing shaky. 

_ {The one thing I do believe in in the afterlife. We’re going to the same place and I refuse to be persuaded otherwise. So deal with it.}  _ He manages to say over the mental link, already half-broken and fading as the door opens, Sammy poking her head around the door.

“Oh I made it. Traffic was awful, Uncle Cougar, Uncle Jake.” She entered the room, a whirlwind of energy, much like Jake when he was younger.

“Awful? So it got better?” Jake said with a smile in his voice as he wrapped his arms around Sammy, squeezing her before stepping back. She perched on the edge of the bed, reaching for Cougar’s other hand. “Look at you. All this fuss.” She shook her head once more. “The priest had to put on his vestments, so he’s on his way. “

“Thank you, Sammy,” Jake said, taking his seat, and hooking his fingers with Cougar’s. He wasn’t sure how much longer he had, so he was taking every chance to touch him, to feel him, those artist hands of his. She leaned in to kiss Cougar on the cheek, ignoring the tears rolling down her face, before moving to the other chair.

Any more talk was interrupted by the priest, hair snowy white, followed by a younger man, both dressed in the vestments for the last rites.  Jake and Sammy sat quietly while the rites went on, Cougar’s mouth shaping the words.

Jake murmured thanks to the priest and his assistant after, Father Halloran patting him on the shoulder. He had been the priest of the church near their home until a few years ago when he finally retired. Jake had danced around the question of him converting, but he did attend services, mostly Christmas, but not taking Communion. Cougar was more faithful than he was.

The door closed behind the priests, and Jake turned to the bed. Cougar’s eyes were closed, his breathing shallow. Jake touched the link and gulped. Oh. He crawled into the bed, curling himself around Cougar’s failing body, trying to stave off the inevitable, nestling his head on Cougar’s chest, tears flowing. The nurse entered, standing next to the machines that tracked the faltering beat of his bond’s heart, trying so hard to live yet not strong enough to stay.

“Love you, love you. Don’t want to say goodbye, but I have to. I have to let you go ahead of me. But you wait for me. I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?” He didn’t even notice the brief alarm as Cougar’s heart stopped, the nurse quickly shutting it off, and stepping out of the way. He laid there, not sure how long, his tears soaking the gown over Cougar’s body. He wasn’t there anymore.

Sammy managed to coax Jake out of the bed and out of the room, his body moving mechanically. He didn’t remember much of those days between Cougar dying and the wake and funeral, a full Catholic ceremony with incense and a Mexican priest co-officiating the service with Father Halloran. Grief was sharp, jagged, yet as if he was wrapped in cotton-wool, everything either muffled or pointed. Cougar’s parents were there, as were as many of his family as could come. Jake paid for them, airfare, hotel, a car. He kept prodding at the broken link, much like he did when he lost his baby teeth, prodding at the empty socket. Yes. He was alone. Alone for the first time since he was twelve, eighteen, twenty-eight. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it without his rock.

Jake didn’t even blink when Mrs. Alvarez started crying and yelling in Spanish at him about stealing Carlos, just letting her grief and anger wash over him. Wouldn’t make a difference. He didn’t take good care of Cougar after all. His fault. But after, when they gathered at the house tucked in the curve of the river, Cougar’s workshop quiet and clean for once since it was built, she wrapped Jake in her arms, sobbing into the black wool of his suit, pressing a picture of Cougar as a boy and one of his hats at him. He murmured soft words in Spanish,  babbling apologies for not taking care of her son like he should have and thanking her for letting him have Cougar for the twenty-two years since he showed up that May morning, walking up the path with his hat pulled low, and a dog dancing around his feet.

The house was filled with reminders of them. Photos of them together and separate, with Leta, Sammy, various friends. Cougar’s art. The special ones he made just for Jake. Jake had retired a month after Cougar’s diagnosis, moving his little gallery back to the house, not wanting to waste any more time with work when Cougar needed him more. The minutes and hours ticked on, time marching along, slowly eroding Cougar from the house. His voice, of course, was the first to leave, then his scent. Pictures of Sammy at gallery shows, and Jake behind her, alone, started showing up. 

A year later, the house was filled with people again, this time for Jake’s wake. Not nearly as formal as Cougar’s, it was simple and peaceful. Much like Jake’s passing, in his sleep. Sudden cardiac arrest said the obituary, but really, it was a broken heart that refused to go on. 

“ _ I’m coming, _ querido _. Wait for me. _ ” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Written in a soulbond universe where you have a mental link with your bond at puberty, and only death can break the bond once it's sealed.


End file.
